Laura's Life Hacks: Disappointment

Disappointment

I don't know about you, but I have often felt disappointed. Disappointed with how things have turned out, how I have failed or not got what I wanted. I seem to have a fairy tale standard for the people around me, which therefore leads to regular disappointment as they do not live up to my unrealistic expectations.

As an example, I recently had a day at work where some of my colleagues left me feeling let down in various ways: Not saying what I wanted to hear in response to my comments, not giving me enough attention, not treating me how I imagine I would treat them in a similar situation, saying things that frustrated me , etc.

When I left work I felt so tense! It was ‘just one of those days’ as we say. I was angry and offended and even called my partner to tell him about my current status in the miffed department. I had spoken out that I was now dreading tomorrow and couldn't be bothered with work; the usual generic, earthly, negative spill. I got off the phone feeling worse because my partner didn't respond in the way I had imagined he would and didn't bring a ‘good enough’ solution to my rubbish feeling! By the time I got home I was huffing and puffing my way to the kettle.

I can think of so many situations like that and the usual coping mechanism went like this: The disappointed feeling dragged out for long periods of time; feelings of bitterness towards the other person or myself would rule my mind, taking charge over my mood. Even when I found the solution, after much time and effort, I would beat myself up for not thinking of it sooner! This would then cause a greater feeling of disappointment because I would focus on how poor I was at handling my emotions and defusing situations in my personal life.

On this occasion, as a new creation, I knew I had an opportunity to renew my mind so I began by doing things that I found helpful in difficult situations, as a child of God.

I listened to some worship music and focused on songs that always remind me of God's Power, Grace and Love (One of my favourite songs for occasions like this is Kierra Sheard’s version of Indescribable). I then prayed and let out how I felt. I expressed what I hoped The Lord would take away or add to rectify the situation. My prayer initially started as more of a plead to The Lord to give wisdom, patience and understanding to my colleagues. I ranted for a while and focused on how I would have changed the way they behaved to prevent this outcome. I was not yet considering my behaviour in the day at all!

After saying this, I felt my spirit tell me that I was praying the wrong prayer. I then said, “Lord, how do I learn to not feel disappointed in people or in situations?”

I felt The Lord say to me,” What would Jesus have done in the situation you were in?”

Well, that is a good question. One that The Lord asks me often!

So I thought, what would Jesus do? How would He respond? What emotions would He be driven by?

Well, I know that He would be slow to anger, patient, understanding and fair. He would listen to them, He would bless them, pray for them, turn the other cheek if they hurt Him. He would love them just the same, despite their behaviour and He would carefully and delicately try to rectify and defuse the situation with compassion being the leading emotion. At no time would He gossip about them or cuss them or judge them. He wouldn't be walking around with a strop on, feeling sorry for Himself! He certainly wouldn't be holding a grudge or writing it down for the world to see, like some of us do on Facebook!

Leviticus 19:18 You shall not take revenge or bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbour as yourself.

Since God is love, looking at what defines love can tell us precisely how The Lord would deal with such situations.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient , love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

Now I already know that I am to love my neighbour as I love myself, and if love equates to the above behaviours and emotions, then I had some serious apologies to make to my colleagues!

This revelation reminded me of how The Lord is gracious towards me, always. If The Lord got angry with me every time I neglected Him, didn't show Him enough praise or worship, didn’t give Him enough time or energy or love, didn't show Him the respect or honour He deserves, well He would be one furious Dad! Praise God for His grace. His patience and everlasting love is unfathomable! He is the almighty one!

So by the end of this, my prayer changed to, “Lord You never fail to amaze me. Thank you for being such a patient Teacher and a wise Father. Lord forgive me for judging and getting offended. I acknowledge that I have been selfish and immature. I am so grateful of your Grace. I thank you for every individual in my life and the relationship I have with my colleagues. Lord I know that I have the perfect Spirit of Jesus Christ in me. Teach me to manifest this Jesus-like behaviour in my life and be led by my spirit and NOT by my flesh. Lord I want to be a light on this earth. I want people to see the Jesus in me, to glorify Your name. I am so happy to be your child. You are a good, good Father. Amen.”

I felt refreshed and excited! I text my colleagues involved and apologised for being short with them and told them each that I loved them. I started to feel excited for work the next day, thinking of how I would deal with difficult situations with my new-found knowledge and understanding. I felt God's love pouring through my heart, making me feel at peace and as though I hadn't been angry at all.

My boyfriend then called me to tell me about someone he was working with and how they were being difficult, getting on his nerves. I said, “Please let me tell you something that should save you some aggro! The Lord has just shared some wisdom with me on a similar situation!” I sent my sister a brief message on this subject and she said it blessed her as she had lots of situations that week that had left her feeling frustrated and disappointed.

I felt and still feel so grateful for this message as it affects so many people, not just myself. It can completely alter your day and how you treat others. It makes perfect sense to set aside what WE think with OUR earthly wisdom and to realise that it does not match the divine wisdom that comes from The Lord God. I know so many people of my age and also people of my mother's and grandmother's ages that just cannot let go of these feelings and are known as people to hold a grudge, so you have to walk around on egg shells. Who wants to be known as ‘that person’? Not me! That is no way for a Christian to live because it does it not show others The Jesus in us. It damages relationships and it practically gives the devil a ‘good job’ sticker.

The moral of my story is, that we can have the ability to live a life on this earth, not as the world lives, but as Jesus is. All we have to do is keep our eyes on The Lord, be firm and be led by our Spirit rather than our flesh. It’s so easy to deal with things the way that every one else does, but its just as easy for a Christian to tap into his or hers spirit and listen to what Jesus is saying to it.

The Lord says:

1 John 4:17 As Jesus Christ is, so are we in the world.

That scripture does not only mean that we are free from sickness, free from sin and condemnation, but we have the strength and wisdom in our Spirit to act like Jesus. I am not perfect in my behaviour, I slip up and make mistakes and say things I regret, but that does not mean I am happy with that. I do not want to condone that behaviour as acceptable. The most beautiful people I have met so far in my life are people that ooze Jesus. So I have decided to write this down to remind myself of it next time I need it. Maybe you need it, or you are on the other end of someone else’s grudge because you have disappointed them? We need to remind each other than we CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us. This does not just cover mountain-moving and reviving the dead; this covers those little behaviours that make big changes to our daily lives.