What would I tell my younger self? “You are loved by God”

What are your first memories of love?

What about unconditional love?

Do you think of a parent comforting you, God, a relative, friend or your first crush?

I feel that so many of us do not comprehend what unconditional love is. I can understand because really, it has taken me years to grasp. I think for many of us it’s because we don’t know what it looks like or we don't believe it.

I think it helps having good role models of unconditional love to really have a great understanding. But what if you don’t?

I have shared before about my childhood in my previous blog. I lived with my wonderful Mum, stepdad, brother and sister. I would visit my Dad and two other brothers every fortnight. After the death of my stepfather, age 12, my behaviour worsened. I lost interest in school and often lied about bunking off.

I was having panic attacks which stemmed from feeling nauseous as I was afraid of being sick. I felt nauseous a lot, therefore my anxiety levels were often high. I got involved with boys and succumbed to peer pressure from them and friends from the age of 12.

Doing things that others were doing or acting out things people asked me to do became the norm. I began to like the feelings of acceptance I was getting. Though it was short lived and fickle, it was something I felt I needed. By the age of 13, I was smoking weed most days, getting into trouble at school and engaging in activities that were not safe or right for me.

My mum will say I’ve always been an affectionate person. I’m a hugger; I love verbal affirmation; I love, love! She noticed that I was ‘sensitive’ to things from a toddler age. In my nursery admission book, she wrote about how I would tell her she didn’t love me if she didn’t hug me.

My understanding of love was warped. I felt ‘unloved’ when I was corrected and took it as rejection. I was defensive and hurt. I started self-harming at 13 and really spiralled downward in my emotions. This carried on until my early 20s, resulting in many mental health crises.

As I have shared in my previous blogs, in 2014 I accepted Jesus Christ into my life and my whole world changed. Things began to make sense that never had before and my heart and mind began to heal. I began to grow in integrity and take responsibility for my life, making changes hand in hand with God. I developed resilience and was able to overcome some real bad habits that had ruled my life for years.

During this healing process, despite some of the more major transformations, I was still renewing my mind to some old mindsets I had adopted through the years.

One of the issues that kept coming up, especially in my relationships, was that I didn’t feel loved. This caused arguments, in fact It was the root cause of the majority of them. I noticed this feeling cropped up if my partner hadn’t hugged me, verbally affirmed me or hadn’t wanted to spend time with me. Of course these things are normal within a relationship but the difficulty was that I

needed it; I craved it and I felt a deep sense of rejection when I didn’t get it, to the point that I would be tearful. It affected my sleep, my joy and peace.

The other telling factor was, it was not just in romantic relationships, but when others disagreed with me or corrected me. That sense of rejection caused me to feel like a child again and I would hear whispers in my mind saying, “They don’t like you.”

Praise God, He brought some teachers into my life. They were stable people (who weren’t my parents so that I couldn't say-"yes, but you have to love me!") who showed me that, just because they might not agree with me, didn't mean they don’t love me. And just because they don’t say it all the time or show it in the way I want it, doesn’t mean they don’t care for me. That was a ‘me’ problem.

If I’m honest, it was after a separation in 2019 that I had a true revelation about love.

The truth is, I didn’t see it. I didn’t feel I was getting that true unconditional love from others. I didn’t know what that looked like! I felt that I was loved very conditionally, the conditions being, 'If you don’t do the best of the best, if you get it wrong, or fail or mess up, I won’t love you anymore'.

Isn’t that what the world says? Don’t most people say that about their relationships?

What changed my mind was taking my eyes off of people, off of myself and my own shortcomings and expectations. Off of the mistakes and the disappointments. Instead, I had to look to Jesus and look into The Word of God (The Bible) to find out what love is.

Let’s look together at some of things God says about love:

Jeremiah 31:3 The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love;

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.”

1 John 3:1 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

Luke 6:27 But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.

Romans 5:5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 8:35 Who could ever divorce us from the endless love of God’s Anointed One? Absolutely no one! For nothing in the universe has the power to diminish his love toward us. Troubles, pressures, and problems are unable to come between us and heaven’s love. What about persecutions, deprivations, dangers, and death threats? No, for they are all impotent to hinder omnipotent love.

There are so many key points in these scriptures. What helped me was getting to understand that even if everyone else can’t stand us, God still loves us! He loves us unconditionally.

He doesn’t love us just when we are lovely. He loves us because He made us. He took time to hand craft us, knitting us together in our mothers' womb (Psalm 139:13), with a plan and a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11). He doesn’t look or rely on our goodness or back away in our badness or weakness. He understands our troubles (Hebrews 4:15). He gives us authority, when we believe in Him, to overcome impossible things (Luke 10:19). He wants us well and rich in every area of our lives (3 John 1:2).

He sent His Son Jesus to die for us, so that we could be called His children and be adopted into His family (Ephesians 1:5), having right standing (righteousness) with Him, our Saviour (Romans 5:1). He did that for us while we were all sinners, whilst we were still muddy and dirty and unrefined. He loves us and accepts us as we are, whether it’s wrapped in pride or offence, sin, addiction or bitterness, trial or tribulation. Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:35). But He loves us too much to leave us there, we are too special to Him (1 Peter 2:9). He brings people, provision and purpose to us (Exodus 23:20). He promotes us and gives us opportunities to grow and learn and increase (1 Corinthians 3:7).

This is love. God is love (1 John 4:7-8). We are loved.

When we look to Him and His example, we can love others and receive love, knowing, we are not perfect, neither are they. But God will never change His mind about you (Hebrews 13:8). He won’t walk out that door. He is not displeased with you (Zephaniah 3:17). He won’t dwell on your failures or remind you of them (Hebrews 10:17-18). He will never leave you or abandon you (Deuteronomy 31:8).

If you have never accepted Jesus into your life, I encourage you to make that decision today. It’s the most powerful and important decision of your life. It says in The Bible:

Romans 10:13 “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved”

Romans 10:9 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

By His grace, God has already done everything to provide salvation. Your part is simply to believe and receive.Therefore I would encourage you to pray this prayer out loud:

“Heavenly Father, I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and rose again. I accept Jesus Christ to come into my life and into my heart, as my Lord and Saviour. Help me get to know you. In Jesus Name Amen.”

When you say this prayer of salvation and let Jesus into your life He can and will transform your life. He loves you and adores you. I am so excited for you!

Let me know if you have any questions or if you said this prayer for the first time x