Life Hacks: Loneliness

Loneliness

Have you ever been completely surrounded by people, but felt like you are totally alone? Have you ever been speaking to someone, but felt as though you may as well be on another planet? Have you ever felt as though no one is thinking of you or your well-being? I have!

For the first time in a long time, I was feeling lonely. The enemy has been working full time and extra hours since I began spending more time with Jesus. That is exactly what happens! He hates the idea of us being happy, successful, healthy and wealthy. His agenda is to ATTEMPT to steal, kill and destroy all that God has planned for us. I say attempt because he actually has NO authority, NO power and he has already been defeated. Unfortunately, if we allow his ways to penetrate our thoughts, feelings and emotions, he can have an impact on our lives and we end up being depressed, ill, poor, angry, bound, bitter or lonely! Despite being a child of God, I am still human. I make mistakes and, praise God, He has already forgiven us for our slip ups and he has already worked out how to uplift us from the dark pits we fall into at times. I recently slipped up and allowed the enemy to affect me for a period of time and I felt lonely as a result.

Before becoming a Christian, I had a tendency to feel lonely time after time. Being a child, going through school, feeling left out, losing loved ones and being depressed, gave me many opportunities to experience this feeling. I regularly believed that no one loved me or understood me. As my depression festered and reached an all-time high in January 2014, I felt lonelier than ever. I actually believed at one point that if I were to disappear, no one would care. It is such a morbid and selfish feeling at times, especially when you think of all the people that actually have no family or anyone to physically talk to. As an example, all of those single, elderly people that are not mobile or able to pick up the phone to talk to anyone to comfort them. Despite the thought of these people breaking my heart and making me feel guilty, knowing I had so much more, I just couldn't help myself.

I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia, which is a form of bipolar. I was also labelled as being emotionally unstable and having secondary depression. I was on anti-depressants and an anti-psychotic drug to regulate the 'chemical imbalance' that I believed caused my illness. Doctors told me that this lonely feeling is common in depressed people as they feel isolated and as though no one understands. I took this information as permission to continue to allow the lonely feeling to devour me.

Loneliness left me tearful, angry and jealous. I tried talking about it to other people and set out to think of positive things but I just couldn't snap out of it. It was as though I was on a solo mission in life and no one would be able to comfort me or fulfil me.

Between the end of 2013 and beginning of 2014 I reached the worst I had ever felt as an adult in my mental health. I spent a lot of that year absent from work due to depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I lost all hope and gave up on the idea of a future. I have so many notes from these times that say over and over again how alone I felt and how I couldn't imagine anyone actually loving me, accepting me for who I was- a mess. I used to daydream about having a person in my life who would truly love me, truly care and think about me. Someone to support me and encourage me.

It was October 2014 that I accepted The Lord into my life and by January 2015 I was baptised. It was my encounter in church that day in October that actually made me fall in love with Jesus. It was not the first time my ears had heard The Gospel but it was the first time my heart heard it. I listened to the Pastor speak about how Jesus loves me no matter what, how He accepts me no matter what. How He will always be there for me no matter what. I couldn't believe my ears. It was the best thing I had ever heard! Now I could understand why they call The Gospel the Good News. I was encouraged to hear that all of these negative things that occur in our minds and in our lives are the devil's influence, but the devil is already defeated. So if loneliness and depression are of the devil and he is already defeated, that means that getting over this was going to be a lot easier than I thought.

John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

As I have said in my previous blogs, despite my Spirit being born again, brand new and identical to that of Jesus, my mind didn't transform over night. Neither did my habits or my soul (my feelings, the way I thought about things). This is a journey and these renewals can take time. It involves getting to know Jesus and knowing the truth, knowing who you are in Christ, through attending a healthy church, reading God's word (The Bible) and having fellowship with Him and other Christians.

Something I did learn straight away was that now I believed in God, I could talk to Him anytime, about anything. I spoke and still speak to him as though He Is my best friend, opening up to every detail, confessing what I know I have done wrong, crying to Him when I feel sad, thanking Him when I feel happy, praising Him for what He has done, is doing and is going to do. I have many letters i've written from 2014 thanking God for being there for me. No matter what any human or thing on earth did, He is always there. This brings the most incredible sense of comfort. It is an amazing sensation just knowing that no matter what you encounter in your life, the good the bad and the ugly, God is going to be there, loving you, no matter what.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my right hand

When you fully understand The Gospel and believe it, you understand that you are never alone. When you understand exactly what Jesus did for us when He died on the cross, you know that any sin, sickness, bad habit, addiction and negative feeling died with Jesus. I found this a hard thing to fathom after 24 years of blaming myself and the world for my horrible feelings. I needed to renew my mind to what The Bible says, rather than what the world or the devil says.

God knows everything about us, as He made us. He knows our thoughts, desires, prayers and our troubles. He reads our heart and can tell exactly what we need before we even know ourselves. God gives us the Holy Spirit as a gift of counsel, comfort and a constant guidance. When you begin listening to The Spirit, you begin to realise that God loves you!

John 14:26 But The helper (comforter, advocate, intercessor, counsellor, strengthener, standby) The Holy Spirit, whom The father will send in my name, He will teach you all things.

The Lord loves you so much that He sent His son to die for you. We don't just have any old Tom, Dick or Harry as a friend, we have The Almighty God as our bestie! That is awesome news and it is the right medicine needed to overcome loneliness. How can we feel lonely knowing that we have a full time, loving, gracious Father who not only knows what we like, but knows us inside out because He created us.

John 15:15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

With all of this in mind, last week, I had to check myself before I wrecked myself. I had to start doing what works for me and believe it to get it out there, that what the enemy was doing was NOT going to continue. I began by declaring this:

I am a child and friend of God

God is always there for me, He knows me by name

He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me

He upholds me with His righteous hand

I will never be alone because my God is always with me

From this moment I will not allow any negativity to affect my mood, thoughts or emotions.

I have a sound and peaceful mind

My heart and soul is overflowing with the feeling of God’s love

He fills me with peace and joy

He satisfies my every need

God gives me the authority to say no to negative thoughts and feelings.

I resist the devil and he flees from me

I will have good, happy, healthy relationships in my life

God wants the best for me and has amazing plans for me.

No matter what my circumstances say, what people say, what the news or social media says, what the enemy or my feelings say, I am not alone because I have God as a Best Friend.

Saying this gave me the strength I needed to get out of the rut. I felt refreshed and energised. I spent time with The Lord telling Him my desire for new friendships with people that love Him, have similar interests, will be a good influence etc. He says to us:

Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

I believe that He will bring wonderful people into my life that will give me even more happiness. He wants us to have friends, a family, husband/wife, children, love others and be loved. He told us to be fruitful and multiply, not so we could ignore each other and be lone rangers! We are social creatures and we need people around us to lift us up, teach us, love us and encourage us.

I know that in order to obtain new friends, I need to step out and make an effort by going to Church and surrounding myself with people who desire similar things to me. I cannot expect to make new friends if I do not go to work or go out and just sit on my sofa all day. I cannot just expect someone to knock on my door and say, “Oh Hi, my name is … and I love Jesus, music, crafts, cups of tea and pugs!” However amazing that would be and I wouldn't put it past God as He does amazing things, I still need to make an effort. We have to work towards the things we desire, we cannot just expect everything to fall into our laps without doing anything.

God will always find a way to bring us what we need. I often think about a little man I see every morning. He is a very frail, hard of hearing, crutch-dependant Scotsman that I first discovered tottering across the road on my way to work over 6 months ago. After assisting him to get on track to his home and chatting to him, it became a regular occurrence as he just so happened to be walking across the road at 07:03, when I walked past to get the train. He said no one has ever helped him before. He recently told me that I am the last person he sees everyday before he goes back home, until the next morning when he gets his newspaper. I believe God brings people together and creates these opportunities for us to feel loved and cared for. This man has very few relatives and I know that just that quick chat makes all the difference to his day. I am aware of this because, if I am late, he tells me off! Haha.The amount of people that have come into my day and life that have blessed me is amazing. God makes a way where there seems to be no way. These little gestures can make such a big difference to our mood and affect our whole day for the better!

I pray that not only do we experience God’s love on a new level, but that we ooze the love that Jesus has for us, for others to experience. I pray that The Holy Spirit guides us to the places we need to be to discover and build good relationships. I pray that The Holy Spirit also guides us to the people needing to feel love, comfort and encouragement and that we can turn their eyes and hearts to The Lord, to discover The Love that never fails.

2 Corinthians 1:4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.